Love Story Part 2

No love story would be complete without a little struggle, a little heartache, and some cray cray moments. 

We continued to 'date' but it was pretty sporadic. We would go out here and there with no real commitments no real feelings.  Notice the word 'date' is in quotes because I thought I was dating him....and he thought I was crazy.  He blew me off a lot, he cancelled plans a lot, he wouldn't text back, and he had a lot of excuses.  My feelings were hurt A LOT in the beginning, and I will take the blame for feeling this way. I had an expectation for someone who told me (constantly) that he wasn't looking for a relationship and wondered what was wrong with JUST being friends?  He hadn't gotten the memo yet that this usually isn't possible between a girl and a guy.  I really, really didn't want to lose him as a friend, I didn't want to lose that companionship so I sucked it up and spent Friday nights alone, stared at a phone with no messages and just waited for the next time he'd ask me out.  This might seem desperate but believe me when I tell you, I was 100% convinced with all of my soul that I was meant to be with this person, and I was NOT. GIVING. UP. I gave him his space....and waited.

When we'd go out I was treated like one of the guys. No feelings attached. I hated every second of it, but I dealt with it because I knew that if he was with me then he wasn't with anyone else.  I had lost my privilege to partake in 'guys night' the night I decided to go a little cray when he made a comment about another girl at the bar.  I thought maybe we had boundaries but the reality was, we didn't.  He made it very clear to me how he felt and like most girls, I lied and said that was fine...and inside I was hurt. I felt defeated and rejected.

This is the part in the story I go blank and perhaps that's because it was blank. This is the part in the story I wish BW would chime in. Maybe I can convince him to write a guest post, an explanation of sorts. I don't know what happened. It was like a light switch. The calls stopped. The texts stopped. Our encounters at work turned in to casual 'hellos' in the break room. I am going to tread lightly here, because to this day, this is hard to talk about and its hard for BW to listen to.  I vented to friends until I was blue in the face, and until they told me to get a grip and get over it. Days turned in to weeks and weeks turned in to months of very minimal communication between the two of us. My world just fell apart and I had no control over any of it.

Now I was living in North Carolina with no friends, no social life and no dating life....just in time for the holidays.  What better time to be alone then on Christmas? I know! Christmas Eve! I was sitting around with family at dinner time on Christmas Eve still obsessing over BW and what had happened. I had a good friend that followed me along this entire world wind of a journey and coached me through every moment.  On this particular night while I was throwing myself a red and green pity party, and drinking cherry vodkas I texted my friend some words of desperation.  She texted back simply, "text him and ask him if he wants to play with candy canes." What? What does that even mean? Mind you, I hadn't spoken to him in weeks, and if I texted him I'm almost positive he wouldn't have responded.  And playing with candy canes? Seems legit.  The text was sent.

He responded almost instantly. He must really like candy canes... or the whiskey in his hand.  He didn't even acknowledge the candy cane comment and just proceeded to ask me what I was doing and if I wanted to meet him and his roommate out. Then I fainted. The End.  Kidding. However, I did slightly panic, hurried to get ready and met him out.  I could have puked the entire ride there. I had no idea what to expect. We hadn't spoken a single word to each other in weeks...months. Maybe it was the holiday season that was giving him a softspot for blondes with a strange yankee accent.  Well whatever the reason was, I was IN! 

We spent Christmas Eve together as if we hadn't left each other's side and continued to see each other more often on days that followed.  Things still weren't serious and we never really discussed what had happened. All I knew is that I was back perched up on cloud 9, with a slight chip on my shoulder, and a heart of steel.  One afternoon I was at his apartment while the guys discussed an upcoming snowboarding trip. I have never in my life been on a ski slope, never mind wearing actually skis or a snowboard but one thing was for sure.. I HAD to be there.  I rented a board, boots, bought pants I couldn't afford and invited myself on that snowboarding trip. 

January 17, 2011. I don't forget it. You know why I don't forget it? It is the reason I am writing this story, it is the reason I have the love I do. This was the day I tagged along on a guys snowboarding trip.  This was the day I saw something different in his eyes. This was the day he looked at me from across the table and mouthed four words that changed my life forever...