Towards the end of your pregnancy they stress the importance of feeling the baby move. This is something else to get ya all jazzed up about (like worrying about an 11th toe isn't enough). Is she moving? Did she move at all today? What's going on? We live in constant fear as pregnant women, and it's a fear that never goes away. We worry about our kids until we're dead. Our motherly instinct kicks in as soon as those two lines turn pink. However, when my two lines turned pink I went to go "run it off." Motherly instincts can wait. There were some days that Olivia wouldn't move very much. BW would often ask throughout the day if she was moving, and if I could feel her. Sometimes I'd lie and say I did, when in fact I hadn't felt a single thing in hours. Other times I'd tell him there were no movements and we'd scurry into the bedroom where I'd lie down as still as I could and wait. BW would sometimes sing to her, we'd play her music, or I'd bang on my stomach (yes, you read that right). Then being the diva that she
When Winter came around I obsessively asked BW to play Christmas music. Miss O loved Christmas music. This soon became my 'go-to' tactic to get her moving. She'd be dancing, and
BW and I had Olivia's middle name picked out just as soon as we agreed on her first name. We wanted to take the traditional route and give her a family name. But unexpectedly came the days and nights of dancing and singing; and it felt right.These moments warmed my heart. They made me feel as though we would be okay. She was telling me that the next Christmas, when Daddy is gone, that we'd be singing and dancing too. I decided on one of those nights that her name would be Olivia Winter. Want to know the part that still, now, brings me to tears? He never questioned it. Never wanted to know the reason. Never asked which ridiculous gossip magazine I was reading. I think the certainty behind my decision said enough.
I started looking at the holidays a little differently this year. Each holiday we made it through, survived, crossed off the calendar, was one step closer. When we celebrated last year I took in each moment, devoured into each memory, and held my breath hoping we'd celebrate many more. I hate to wish for time to fly as Olivia celebrates her first Halloween, Thanksgiving, and now Christmas. Nobody WISHES their baby's first birthday to come faster then it should, but I do. This
When this deployment started, I told myself, "I just have to make it through the holidays. Then it will all be a DOWNHILL slope." Christmas is 3 days away. I'll go dust off my sled.