Sunday, August 5, 2012


When we found out there would be a 4 day pass while BW was training in El Paso, Texas there was never a question of whether or not we'd see each other. I was getting to Texas one way or another; even if that meant strapping Little O in a carseat and driving. (This really is not true- she's a devil in the car; horns and everything...I might as well drive straight to the looney bin). I'd have to fly. Don't get me wrong- you can't put a price on love but SWEET JESUS it's expensive to fly to El Paso. They must have good salsa.

We decided to keep the Little O at home; as much as BW wanted to see her, we both knew that there wasn't a chance she'd let him hold her... and to be completely honest here, Mama needed a vacation.

When I first arrived in Texas I hopped in my rental car, fired up the GPS... and immediately started cursing BW's name.  In my (sheltered) opinion I don't think El Paso is good for anything other then an efficient military training facility and maybe sweet, extra large margaritas (reference photo).  However, the whole point of my trip never slipped my mind and I could not WAIT to see my solider, for it had been a long 2 months. I will suck it up and just laugh (cry) when I enter the 'Exit Only' lane into Juaraz, Mexico....for the 3rd time.

'Reuniiiited and it feeeels soo goooood.'  It was like a scene from a movie. You know, like that scene when the guy comes running up to his girl, scoops her up, spins her around, and they make out passionately? Minus the scoop and the make out. We did hold each other for a long time, looking at each other longingly just to simply remember what one another looked like.  He had to spend the night on Base so we had to spend the night apart. What's one more night when you've had several. Right? In an exhausted, emotional wreck of a stuper, I went back to the hotel room, got in bed, looked at the clock...6:30pm.  DAMN YOU 2 hour time change.

We wanted to be normal; pretend there wasn't a clock ticking. I was extremely emotional the entire trip. All I wanted was to lay in bed. I thought this was the only thing that would make time stand still. Every time he would suggest doing something, I'd have a breakdown and didn't have the exact words to tell him how I felt. If I tried to explain it it sounded selfish and just bizarre; like I was being some antisocial, obsessive, possessive crazy lady. And?  I didn't want him talking to anyone but me. I wanted every single moment of his time. Every breath.  I didn't even want to waste time taking photos (the only one I took is the one above). I may have shed enough tears to get him to stay in bed, watch a movie and drink Skinny Girl margaritas.

Well, needless to say, time does not stand still...So eventually the day came.  For most of the trip I kept thinking and dreading the moment I had to bring him back on Base, drop off the rental car, and walk into the airport alone. I imagined a sobbing disaster of a person trying to function through an airport. All of that never happened..okay, maybe the sobbing part did. BW came to the airport with me and took a cab back to Base. Hero anyone?  We sat at the airport bar and had a cocktail (while I cried...and cried..and cried). I need to mention something that is a bit strange.I've always had this weird emotional thing about soldiers. They get me. Even before I found my own, I had one serious soft spot. Sometimes seeing random soldiers say goodbye to their loved ones hits me harder emotionally then saying goodbye to my own solider. I always try to imagine their story. And if the girl is pregnant...forget it! Cry Fest 2012. With that being said, our view from the airport bar was of the spot that people say their goodbyes. We had front row. There was one soldier who watched his expecting girlfriend go up the escalator to Security checkpoint...and watched... and watched... he must of stood there for 30 minutes.  We both knew she was no longer in sight. Walking away makes it final.

"Don't watch me go up that escalator. Just turn around and go." I told him.  That is exactly what he did. I didn't turn back either.  I held back from an emotional breakdown my ENTIRE trip home. I am pretty sure I looked like a complete crazy person with a constant quivering lip, and clutching tissues so hard that my knuckles were white. He texted. He called. I couldn't function. I was sick to my stomach. This was it... There was no turning back. We both have no idea what is about to happen. We don't know how this story will end. We trust his training. When you're married to a solider you have the kind of conversations that are unthinkable to most young couples but its the reality of the situation. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best, he tells me. All we can do is love strong and pray hard.

I can't stand that for months we haven't been able to start our 9 months. "Not til my boots are In Country" He always told me that no matter what they can't keep him for more then 400 days... 400 days!? Lord give me the strength, grant me the serenity....

We spoke last night... 351.

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